The things you wish you could say at work


  1. I can see your point but I still think you're full of cr*p!
  2. How about 'never'? Is 'never' good for you?
  3. It sounds like English but I can't understand a word you're saying.
  4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  5. Ahh, I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again!
  6. I'm already visualising the duct-tape over your mouth.
  7. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
  8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.


  1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f*cking sunshine today?
  2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
  3. Don't I look like a people person to you?
  4. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose!
  5. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
  6. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer around here.
  8. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  9. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  10. Stressed! Who me? You've got to be joking! I only work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
  11. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  12. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
  13. Too many freaks - not enough circuses.
  14. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done!
  15. Is it time for your medication or mine?
  16. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  17. I'm not tense; just terribly, terribly alert.
  18. I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.