NUTS - The new tax system

Anonymous

The GST (Goods and Services Tax) introduced by some governments in the world, including Australia from 1 July 2000, is a way of collecting revenue to pay for various community services and public utilities.

Still don't know how it works? Well, never mind.

The system is really called NUTS (the New Universal Taxation System), and although it may appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand. Basically, it is STUFFT (the Simplified Tax Unit for Financial Transactions). Major elements of NUTS include a number for each business entity, known as the Australian Business Utilisation Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with governments at all levels. Every business in Australia will get ABUN with NUTS.

The new system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian Taxation Collection Head Office Organisation (ATCHOO). Businesses will be required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table And Report Directive (BASTARD) every month. Businesses should set aside at least three days every working week to fill the BASTARD out.

Under the tax system, every adult Australian taxpayer is classified as a SUCKER (Simple Underpaid Consumer Keeping Everything Running), unless they are unemployed and receiving Commonwealth benefits, in which case they are classified as a RATBAG (Registered Australian Taxation Beneficiary Allowance Grantee).

All SUCKERs and RATBAGs will be required to complete a DAFT (Direct Application For Taxation) form.

The completed DAFT form will be assessed by a local MORON (Metropolitan Or Regional Outcome Negotiator) who determines the amount of CRAP (Credited Refund Allowance Payment) the taxpayer will receive. Any SUCKER who wishes to appeal against the amount of CRAP received from the Government should contact their local MORON, who will assess the appeal and classify it as either STUPID (Secondary Temporarily Unpaid Portion of Individual Donation) or IDIOTIC (Income-Derived Individual Obligatory Taxation Instalment Credit).

Now do you understand how the tax system works?