HE SAYS... <=> WHAT HE MEANT WAS...
I can't find it <=> It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless as to where it may be.
That's women's work <=> It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.
Will you Marry me? <=> Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.
It's a guy thing. <=> There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
Can I help with dinner? <=> Why isn't it already on the table?
It would take too long to explain <=> I have no idea how it works.
I'm getting more exercise lately <=> The batteries in the remote are dead.
We're going to be late. <=> I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.
Take a break, honey, you're working too hard. <=> I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
That's interesting dear. <=> Are you still talking?
Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love. <=> I forgot our anniversary again.
You expect too much from me. <=> You expect me to stay awake?
It's really a good movie. <=> It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women.
You know how bad my memory is. <=> I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses. <=> The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, and was wearing a bikini thong.
Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal. <=> I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before admitting I'm hurt.
Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing. <=> What did you catch me at?
She's one of those rabid feminists. <=> She refused to make my coffee.
I heard you. <=> I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
You know I could never love anyone else. <=> I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.
You really look terrific in that outfit. <=> Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.
I brought you a present. <=> It was a free ice scraper night at the hockey game.
I missed you. <=> I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.
I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are. <=> No one will ever see us alive again.
This relationship is getting too serious. <=> I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
I don't need to read the instructions. <=> I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.