If men ruled the world...


  1. Nodding your head and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you".
  2. Hallmark - the company that makes greeting cards - would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
  3. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a half time break.
  4. Breaking up a relationship would be a lot easier - a smack to the bum would pretty much do it.
  5. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
  6. It would be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
  7. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
  8. Tanks would be an acceptable form of transport and would be easier to rent.
  9. Instead of beer belly, you would get "beer biceps".
  10. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
  11. The American program "Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or even to the crooks!
  12. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
  13. The only alternative show to "Friday Night Football" would be "Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
  14. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, so long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
  15. Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail" free cards per year.