Best rum cake ever

Anonymous

INGREDIENTS
1 or 2 quarts rum
1 cup butter
1 tsp white sugar
2 eggs
brown sugar
1 cup dried fruit
baking powder
baking soda
nuts
lemon juice

METHOD

Before you start, sample the rum to check for
quality. Good, isn't it? Now, go ahead,
select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
Check the rum again to make sure it hasn't
gone bad. It must be just right. To
be sure the rum is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup into a glass and drink it
as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric
mixer beat 1 cup of butter in a large
fruit bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of thugar and
beat again. Meanwhile make sure the rum is
the finest quality...try another cup. Open
second quart if necessary. Add 2 arge eggs,
cup of fried fruit and beat until high.
If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry
loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum
again, checking for tonscisticity. Next sift
3 cups of pepper and salt, it really doesn't
matter. Sample rum again. Sift 1/2 pint of
lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and
strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown
thugar, or whaterver color you can find.
Mix well. Grease oven and turn cake pan
to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole mess into
the coven and ake. Check the rum again and
bo to ged.